“I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member” — Woody Allen
This week, Andrew, our expert Tinder user and professional swiper asked a seemingly simple question:
“What’s a girl like you doing on an app like this?”
Aside from being cute and charming, this question is also revealing of the perspective of a lot of online dating skeptics. This perspective is very in line with the quote from Annie Hall at the top and I’ve heard it countless times, “I wouldn’t want to date anyone that uses Tinder.”
This point of view stems from the imaginary idea that anyone who uses Tinder (or other online dating services) is either desperate, slutty or ugly or my personal favorite “girls who use Tinder are crazy.” Harsh words, I know, but sadly this is the opinion of many people who either refuse to use the service or are happy to use it but undermine its worth at every turn.
So why do people seek to stigmatize and undermine online dating?
Well, in the case of Woody Allen (and many others), he avoided dating because of a trait he is famous for… self-loathing. This is the case for many people who may have low self esteem. While most people celebrate upon the notification of a match, this group will as well, but they may also ponder “what could be wrong with this person that they would want to date me?”
This kind of thinking contributes to a good percentage of the well known “Tinder Ghosts,” you know, those matches you get that never write a single word to you? While they may have been blissfully swiping right on everyone they’d like to grab a drink with, their enthusiasm quickly turns into skepticism upon notification of a match.
I may sound a bit like your mom telling you “don’t worry sweetheart, he doesn’t talk to you because he likes you.” But it’s true! That little bit of disbelief combined with low self-esteem is all that stands in the way of so many that swipe but never type.