Let’s face it; breakups are never fun. Every relationship is different, but more often than not it comes with hurt feelings, frustration, misunderstandings and therefore, rage. Containing your inner rage towards a situation or a person can be difficult.
Whether it’s anger, regret, disappointment or all three and more, they eventually pass with time, but there may be things you can do while going through all that, that can at least help with the rage part.
1. Don’t Bottle Things Up
The worst thing you can do is keep the anger and emotions bottled up. It’s best to find a way to release the anger while getting through it. And no, this does not mean you should go beat up your ex, there are plenty of ways to release anger in a positive way that will get you way further than releasing your anger on the person you are upset with.
2. Keep A Journal
When going through a breakup you can have countless emotions running through your head, and they can become overwhelming. Instead of letting the thoughts consume you, write them down. Write down what you are feeling, why you are mad, and what is in your life apart from the ex, that makes it great. If you write down things you are grateful for, you may find that eventually you will be thinking about those things way more than why the ex is no longer in your life.
So every time you start to think negatively about the breakup try turning to your journal. Have a small one on hand. This will allow you to process your feelings instead of just thinking about them repetitively in your head. You may have urges to call or text your ex, journaling is a great way of preventing yourself from doing that. (whether or not to stay in touch with an ex is a topic of another blog post, but assuming you are making a break with no contact, then journaling is a great alternative).
Get off of your couch, stop eating junk food and feeling sorry for yourself and get moving. Go for a hike, swim, jog and release some of that negative energy in the form of movement. Your mind, body, and emotions are all connected. So perhaps instead of screaming at the top of your lungs (which might result in some damaged vocal chords) try going to a yoga class or going for a long run. Anything that reduces stress and increases your fitness is a good thing.
Also, it is a known fact that breakups result in a drop in dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. Exercise can at least give you a boost in dopamine and serotonin. If you go for a walk with a friend, you will probably get a boost in all three. As having a friend tag along gives you increased levels of oxytocin because you are connecting with a friend. So give it a try.
Yes, it’s that simple. Just stop and breathe. This might sound silly and you might say ‘I breathe all day every day anyway!’ But in this sense, we mean sitting in a quiet place, by yourself, and spending 10 minutes taking deep breaths. With each breath feel the air go inside through your nose and out through your mouth. This helps you live in the present moment and be mindful of what is happening in your physical body. When trained, the mind will learn to stay in the present and not the past, making a break up more of a distant memory sooner rather than later.
5. Embrace and accept your feelings
Often after a breakup we want to come off as the bravest or the strongest. It’s best to be honest with yourself and accept exactly where it is that you are at with your feelings. If you are sad, that is okay, ditto for hurt, betrayed or all of the above. All of the feelings you have may scare you because you could be thinking that you will never get through it. But these feelings are all to be expected in the aftermath of a break up, and believe it or not they will pass. Its best to accept them and be OK with where you are at, than to pretend you are something you are not. Further to that, when you feel sad and depressed it is okay to cry, and in many cases you should. This will help you to release some of the emotions you are feeling. There are going to be some dark times but know that it will pass and make you a stronger person afterwards.
6. Rewire your brain
When going through a breakup you might start thinking things like “What if I had done _______ instead of,” or you might replay the reasons why you broke up over and over in your head. This can make it harder for you to move on and create your future, because you could be stuck on the past. It helps to find a way to stop these thoughts when they come into your head. Some like the stop-sign technique. When your thoughts start to do this, literally picture a red stop sign in your head. Then redirect your mind to think of something else, and it could be as simple as stopping, taking a few deep breaths and focussing your mind entirely on your breath. Eventually this can help you steer away from negative thoughts gravitate towards positive ones.
7. Make a new playlist
According to research listening to music is one of the fastest ways to change your mood. Music stimulates a section of your brain that triggers happiness, so make a new playlist with some empowering music that will change your mood into a positive one.
If you think your depressed state will never go away try these tips on getting over your inner rage and it will surely help. The best case scenario will involve you speaking regularly to a trained therapist, experienced in the field of marriage and relationships. They can help you with these tools and others, so you can start picturing your future and forgetting the past in a healthy way. Therapists can help you get a hold of your thoughts and emotions. That can make it much easier to visualize where you want to be in one year and get there. The pain and hurt you feel now will go away when you take the right steps and you will get through it.